Friday, March 30, 2007

Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys

There are a few perceptions that lead me to believe that some women tend to gravitate to the "Bad Boy" image. First of all, the "Bad Boy" image shouldn't be confused with the "Jerk Boy" image. If women admit being attracted to the "Bad Boy" image, they are probably referring to the confident, unafraid and risk taking men who have a good look about them and who will challenge the women they meet instead of kissing their butt. Women who say they don't like the "Nice Guys" are probably talking about the men, who follow them around, hang on their every word and treat women like princesses. Women don't necessarily want this and many of them would say they couldn't respect a guy like this. So, if those are the definitions, then the reason can speak for itself. "Nice Guys" who are confident and demand respect should have no problem with women.

Why do women say they like "nice guys", then go out with all the "bad boys" who treat them like crap?

One Responder: Many reasons. First of all, this isn't true of all women. Lots of us do have our bad boy phases (guilty), but most of us manage to outgrow that (thank god). I think one of the problems is that girls are taught that the bad boys are more interesting, and we are supposed to save them from their traumatic lives with the power of our love. No, really. Ever see the movie "The Breakfast Club"? How about anything starring James Dean? The bad boys are romanticized, and they always have girlfriends who save them or at least give them something to think about during their benders.

Another problem is immaturity. That bad boy phase generally happens with teenagers and younger women. After a few jerks, we usually learn. Usually. And then there's low self-esteem. If you think you deserve to be treated like crap, you will seek out guys who treat you like that. It's probably unconscious and it correlates with the young woman/teenager thing. As women grow older and more confident, we kick these guys to the curb. And finally, there really aren't as many nice guys as you guys think. A friend of mine who's more bitter than I claimed that there were three kinds of guys: jerks, jerks who couldn't get away with it so pretended to be nice, and genuinely nice guys.

She claimed that there were very few genuinely nice guys out there. I don't really agree with that, but her basic hypothesis has some merit (for girls, too: plenty of jerky women just can't get away with it so they pretend to be nice). Chances are, if you aren't really as nice as you pretend to be, the women actually looking for nice guys will see through you (having some experience with your type), and the other women will ignore you in favor of the real jerks. The genuinely nice guys that I've met have had no problem finding women.

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