Saturday, March 31, 2007

7 Common Jealousy Triggers And How To Handle Them

Many of us hate the fact that we are prone to jealousy and distrust but why do we feel jealous? And what can we do about it?

If jealousy is a problem in your life, here are some constructive strategies for handling 7 different situations that may cause you to be jealous:

1. You worry that he/she will leave you for someone else - Very few of us feel 100% confident about ourselves. We are never 100% sure if we attractive enough, sexy enough, intelligent enough, interesting enough, show enough love, have what he/she is looking for etc). Jealous makes you assume the worst. The reality is that there is always someone more attractive, more intelligent and more interesting out there. And if the person you are with wants to leave you for someone else there is nothing you can do about it – normal healthy people make their own choices. Take care of your body, mind, heart, & spirit. If you are good to yourself, the pangs of jealousy will disappear or not bite as deeply.

2. He/she has a history of infidelity – May be he/she was unfaithful in some way or cheated on you and you are having a hard time trusting and respecting him/her again. You have the right to feel the way you feel but if you want to continue to be with him/her you have to find away to move past your hurt and resentfulness. Sit down and together consider the pros and cons of several alternatives. If it means working with a professional, so be it. What is important is that your relationship moves past hurt and resentfulness and forward to love and rebuilding trust.

3. He/she is still in contact with an ex or frequently talks about him/her with obvious affection - There is a sense of being betrayed when someone else takes the love, admiration etc. that we feel rightfully belongs to us. This includes friends, family, children from previous marriage and everything else and in between. In some cases, the feeling of betrayal is perfectly justified. But jealousy unlike other emotions is not a "stand alone' emotion. It is an emotion that is based on other emotions. That is something happens that causes you to feel threatened or to feel insecure or to feel something negative about yourself, and then that fear, insecurity or possessiveness makes you feel jealous. Telling him/her "no more contacting an ex" or stop talking about him/her is not going to make the jealousy go away. The underlying emotion is still there only waiting for something else to trigger it. The best way is to deal with the underlying insecurity or fear of loss or fear of being replaced.

4. He/she goes out and you don't know what he/she is doing - Despite the fact that he/she has done nothing that deserves your jealous actions, you can't help feeling he/she is someday going to cheat on you. Going around snooping or unexpectedly showing up in unexpected place if it does not slowly and surely drive you to the mad house will create a wedge between the two of you. The unintended consequences of constantly accusing, blaming and prohibiting a person from doing the things he/she loves doing is that you hurt that person and one of the predictable consequences of doing things which hurt your partner is you damage your relationship. Your fear (and/or possessiveness) comes from your experience of loss of love or having been abandoned or cheated on in the past, it has nothing to do with the person you are with now. Dig deep and deal with issues related to you fear of loss of love and give him/her breathing room and space to blossom into the unique and wonderful person he/she is.

5. He/she lies about small things – He/she may be lying because he/she's done something you disapprove of or because he/she thinks telling the truth will just get you going nuts. Although lying is inexcusable, going nuts about it will only make it harder for you to get to the truth. Make it clear to him/her that his/her lying creates distrust. Explain to him/her that you are open to listening without blaming or getting upset and make some agreements about how if he/she starts lying you'll handle the situation. Encourage him/her to come to you and have an open discussion about some of the things that he/she enjoys doing but thinks you disapprove. And don't be too hard, too demanding and impossible to please. Relax the rules a little and allow in some flexibility, spontaneity and freedom for each you to enjoy some time away from the other.

6. He/she puts him/herself in situations that test your ability to trust him/her – This includes things like staying up late. You want to be able to trust him/her but he/she makes it hard to. May be you even called him/her 10 times and he/she didn't answer his/her cell phone. Crying your heart out when the other person is out having fun only makes you feel like crap and become moody and passive-aggressive. He/she may or may not have a valid reason for not answering the phone but until he/she answers the phone or comes home find ways to de-stress when you start feeling jealous - take the dog for a walk, spend time with friends, do a little house cleaning etc- anything that calms you down. Calmness and communication are your best allies when he/she comes home. Expressing your feelings while staying calm will help you get your point across and actually be heard.

7. He/she has friends or family who are bad influences (may encourage infidelity or other undesirable behavior). If he/she has friends who influence him/her to do things that hurt your relationship, you cannot ignore it and hope it will go away. Often this calls for 'tough love'. But before you take any drastic actions, make sure this is not about your "issues:" Do you approve of anyone he/she hangs out with? Are you always criticizing his/her friends or family? Are you constantly trying to separate him/her from social connections? Do you try to manipulate him/her into believing that his/her friends and family are bad influence?. If you don't like any (or most) of his/her friends or family then there is some possessiveness and controlling behaviour going on - this needs to be dealt with. But if even his/her family and friends agree that some of the people he/she hangs out with are bad influence then you need to apply "tough love" – a strong direct approach that clearly spells out how his/her actions are affecting the relationship, what he/she needs to do to resolve the situation and if he/she doesn't, there will be consequences.

Maybe it's just in your head, or maybe it's not, jealousy if you keep it up, may, eventually, has the effect of driving him/her away, and create exactly the thing that you fear most.

It is possible (for those who truly want) to have a life and relationship free of the kind of drama jealousy creates. It just takes courage, commitment and learning some new skills.

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Friday, March 30, 2007

Nice Guys vs. Bad Boys

There are a few perceptions that lead me to believe that some women tend to gravitate to the "Bad Boy" image. First of all, the "Bad Boy" image shouldn't be confused with the "Jerk Boy" image. If women admit being attracted to the "Bad Boy" image, they are probably referring to the confident, unafraid and risk taking men who have a good look about them and who will challenge the women they meet instead of kissing their butt. Women who say they don't like the "Nice Guys" are probably talking about the men, who follow them around, hang on their every word and treat women like princesses. Women don't necessarily want this and many of them would say they couldn't respect a guy like this. So, if those are the definitions, then the reason can speak for itself. "Nice Guys" who are confident and demand respect should have no problem with women.

Why do women say they like "nice guys", then go out with all the "bad boys" who treat them like crap?

One Responder: Many reasons. First of all, this isn't true of all women. Lots of us do have our bad boy phases (guilty), but most of us manage to outgrow that (thank god). I think one of the problems is that girls are taught that the bad boys are more interesting, and we are supposed to save them from their traumatic lives with the power of our love. No, really. Ever see the movie "The Breakfast Club"? How about anything starring James Dean? The bad boys are romanticized, and they always have girlfriends who save them or at least give them something to think about during their benders.

Another problem is immaturity. That bad boy phase generally happens with teenagers and younger women. After a few jerks, we usually learn. Usually. And then there's low self-esteem. If you think you deserve to be treated like crap, you will seek out guys who treat you like that. It's probably unconscious and it correlates with the young woman/teenager thing. As women grow older and more confident, we kick these guys to the curb. And finally, there really aren't as many nice guys as you guys think. A friend of mine who's more bitter than I claimed that there were three kinds of guys: jerks, jerks who couldn't get away with it so pretended to be nice, and genuinely nice guys.

She claimed that there were very few genuinely nice guys out there. I don't really agree with that, but her basic hypothesis has some merit (for girls, too: plenty of jerky women just can't get away with it so they pretend to be nice). Chances are, if you aren't really as nice as you pretend to be, the women actually looking for nice guys will see through you (having some experience with your type), and the other women will ignore you in favor of the real jerks. The genuinely nice guys that I've met have had no problem finding women.

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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Anything Worth Keeping Is Worth Fighting For - Should You Fight For Or Dump Him or Her?

Relationships bring out the best and worst qualities within us -but why?

The people we are attracted to and often have a relationship with represent all the things we like and dislike about ourselves. When they reflect to us the qualities of ourselves we like, we are happy and everything is smooth sailing, but when they reflect the qualities of ourselves that we don't particularly life, we get defensive, confrontational, unloving and sometimes we run away from the relationship. But what we're really doing is running away from ourselves.

So before you dump him/her you should have all the answers to these questions.

1. Is he/she worth it? What are the qualities that you see in him/her that add something to the relationship?

2. What do you see as faults/deficiencies in him/ her?

3. What and how do these faults/deficiencies remind you of your own issues? Dig deep and ask yourself why it bothers you?

4. What have you done this far to make peace with the little buggers? The emphasis here is "make peace" not "get rid of". Attempting to get rid of the little buggers (dump him/her) is attempting to get rid of yourself.

5. Can you figure out a way to get your voice, needs, wants, desires etc. met while at the same time making sure that his/her needs, wants, desires etc. are being met? If you have not already done it, this is the time to begin the process to change the things about you that you don't want in the other person.

By being aware that the person you are with is really your own reflection in someone else, you are not only setting a stage for understanding him/her better but for understanding yourself better as well. Until you start to value others for who they are (a reflection of yourself), and not for what they can do for you, you will keep running from one reflection of yourself to another.

You are the only common denominator in all of your relationships! And everywhere you go, your issues come with you!

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Doing Business (And Life) With Love

The evolution of consciousness takes so many different forms and shapes. Clearly there are many paths to the same place. Yet, there is one doorway those who choose awakened living all share. Eventually, as we unravel our resistance, and release our blocks to our own Magnificence we find ourselves standing at the entrance to our own hearts. And at some point, we must, walk in.

Yesterday I gave a workshop to introduce a group of budding business owners to the principles of Aware Entrepreneurship. For many of them the old forms of business don't work anymore. Hard sell tactics are of no interest. Managing with worry and fear only increases their stress and depletes them and they know it. Putting the bottom line before personal well-being no longer makes sense.
These are people who know that they want to stay connected to their hearts as they proceed in their work. They understand that they have unique gifts to offer and they want to build venues for their contributions without sacrificing their joy or their health.

So they are faced with a dilemma - How to build businesses that allow them to stay connected to their essence while getting things done in the world?
In my work I help individuals and groups build a foundation for conscious enterprise beginning with this action: Stop the Internal Violence You Do to Your Own Self.

The most primary personal and professional work you can ever do for yourself, your colleagues, clients and customers is to release any unloving attitudes or behaviors you inflict upon your own self.

Be Kind: Replace Harshness with Tenderness

Be Present: Cultivate Acceptance of What is Happening Right Now

Be Inclusive: Cherish All Aspects of Your Self

These may seem like little things and yet by practicing them you can change the whole atmosphere of your life – both inside and out. Once you have established kindness, presence and the inclusive embrace of all that you are you will have a loving home base to work from. From here you will find that you naturally extend the same kindness, presence and welcome inclusiveness to those who choose your products or services. The path of heart is the best foundation for healthy relationships. It also contributes to the blossoming of health. It sets the stage for wealth – and opens the door for the fulfillment of purpose.

Love is the real force and the fuel that helps us to release struggle. The Choice to Love - self and others and life itself! - provides us with a way to link peaceful living with wordly success. They belong together.

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Cheating Wives - The Hard-Hitting Reality

If like other men, you're facing the tragedy of cheating wives, I appreciate your effort to consider solutions despite your distress. In an effort to find answers about your wife's affair, take a moment to examine infidelity from a different perspective.

Let's look at cheating wives and infidelity as a hard-hitting symptom.

If you're running a high fever, and you feel ill, you may think, "I'm not well; something's wrong." Your fever, coughing, and sneezing are the symptoms of a cold, or worse, the flu.

Your doctor may recommend something to feel better, like Tylenol to bring down the fever. But, your doctor cannot cure the flu itself. It's the flu virus that's the source of all the bad feelings, fever, and coughing.

How does this apply to cheating wives? Well, the cheating is like the high fever that makes the flu feel so wicked. The reason she's cheating is the complex virus itself. Infidelity, then, is the hard-hitting symptom that gets all the attention.

You can never take enough Tylenol to make the flu go away. These quick-fix medications only treat the symptoms. Similarly, if you focus on just the affair and ignore the truth and history of your marriage, you'll fail to diagnose the real problems facing your partnership.

What does this mean in infidelity terms? If you merely see cheating as the issue, then you're not even scratching the surface of your marriage troubles. There are much bigger problems lying beneath the affair. There are layers of past pain, lack of intimacy, arguments, and more that all contributed to the end result of infidelity.

Affairs have a blinding effect on the entire relationship. The biggest problem with cheating wives is that the infidelity overshadows everything up until now. All the other great moments, sad times, and events that your marriage is built upon become obsolete. The affair itself suddenly becomes an obsession, and the only thing that matters.

It's like being angry at your fever, but never saying to yourself "I have the flu, that's why I'm sick." In other words, how much longer will you ignore that your marriage has a virus?

A common problem is that many people end their marriages suddenly when their spouse has an affair. Infidelity is the deal-breaker. Consequently, the marriage and the relationship never get mended. Couples don't take the time to notice what really happened. Husbands and wives don't heal. They walk away angry and hurt. The union itself, your perspectives, the red flags, the incidents that pecked away at your marriage, and all the potentially solvable dilemmas, never get attention.

With that said, you may be still wondering how today's cheating-wives ended up in an affair. What's embedded in all the layers beneath the infidelity? Visit for an honest look at today's cheating wives. In order to understand why she cheated, you must understand the basic needs of every woman.

This website is loaded with solutions for cheating wives and cheating husbands. So, use this resource fully to educate yourself, and validate your experiences. If at anytime, you need more solution-focused support to fix your marriage, or decide what what to do next, connect with me, your Infidelity Coach, by phone or e-mail listed below.

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Monday, March 19, 2007

I Love You But You Don't

Its only human to love and it is perhaps the most precious gift given to us by nature. It brings a new meaning to our existence, adds a whole new dimension to otherwise, mundane life. We fall in love with someone and expect the same feelings and passion to be reciprocated from the one we have fallen for, "he is my everything", "she is the reason, I am alive".

To start with we feel this way because we try our best to make the object of our love literally, the happiest person alive on earth. We can go any extent to make them feel that we descended on earth, only for them and are here for only one purpose, "to make you happy". We do things we otherwise would not even think of doing or simply hate doing, we'd cook even if we didn't know how to light the gas, " I am trying, and I know I will like it because I am doing it for you". " I will watch the match with you on TV and I know I will like it because I you want me to".
You didn't like it doing for your father, mother, sister, brother or your friends but you hope or know for sure you will like it for this person because you think you love him and he/she too verifies this by repeating it several times a day. No harm, that's why they say love is blind and I will add to it that it is deaf and dumb too.

Once you have done all the right things to make your partner happy, or to say, you have followed all the correct procedures to a highly profitable investment, its time to enjoy the proceeds. Now, how satisfied one feels from what follows depends a lot on our situation in life at that point and time, our expectations, which are generally very high and our own nature. Some of us, may feel satisfied with what we get, some of us wont be that happy but will be willing to wait for better proceeds to come and most of us will be thinking that it is not what I had estimated or its not matching up with what or how much I had invested, its just not fair and I will get what I want.

At this stage, the meaning of "he is my everything" and " she is the reason, I am alive" changes all together. Like before, once again there is a new dimension in your life, because you did everything to please him/her so you feel entitled to just about everything that belongs to this person, not just his/her house, car, TV, pet but his/her time, thoughts, feelings, past, present, future everything. S/he is no longer your love, its a territory that you have conquered and will make sure you will make good use of it after all you worked so hard on it and also made sacrifices. The tug of war begins and the outcome, nobody wins, someone has to quit, either it will be you or your love. But this is not what you want, you want to win and also want your partner to stay because you still love him/her its just that s/he didn't meet your expectations.

To avoid such situations or to improve on it, one has to remember that loving somebody does not mean not loving yourself or forgetting oneself. It does not mean being selfish either. Bringing happiness in others life is a wonderful thing but that does not mean you sever all contacts with reality in the process. Its fine do things for someone, you otherwise normally would not do but don't make it a habit and sacrifice your individuality. Its not only harmful for you but is also for the other person as you become dependent on him/her totally, the relationship becomes suffocating and one looses the freedom one had before.
The essence of life is growth, the real meaning of love is to be there for the person you love and help them achieve what they want in life not forgetting your own purpose. It's a simple rule, if you are happy only then will you be able to be make someone else happy and your happiness should only be dependent on one person and that is –you not someone else because each one of us think and feel differently and have our own way of living life. If you are handing over your remote to someone else then you loose the right to complain as to why are you not doing it my way.

We have to constantly be doing the balancing act, its up to us how creatively we do it, that is what is life all about and the key to it, is to be self dependent not just economically but mentally and emotionally as well and that will enable us to keep our remotes in our hands.

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

When Silence Is The Best Answer You Can Give A Woman

Any time you find yourself faced with a question from a woman you are in a relationship with in which whatever you answer will require you to explain yourself you have 3 options:

  • State your answer and offer no explanation
  • Ignore the question
  • Stay silent for a moment as if you are thinking of an answer and then move on to something else.
  • As you already probably noticed explaining yourself is not an option. The reason for this is because an explanation assumes she is looking for a logical answer when in reality she is looking for an emotional one.

    As long as you continue to talk and try to explain your answer you prevent the one person capable of coming up with an emotional answer good enough for her, which is her.

    If you have an answer that you would like it to be give it to her and allow her to come up with the reason why it should be that.

    Even if her reason for doing what you want is completely different or illogical it doesn't matter because you still have gotten what you want.

    More often than not, however, her questions will fall into the there is no good, right, or the answer is already known.

    It is these questions that must be ignored and moved past.

    Mainly because an answer doesn't benefit you and she knows it.

    Ignoring the question just lets her know that you know there is no right answer and that you are wise enough to know better.

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    Saturday, March 17, 2007

    Relationship Tid Bits (Cold Feet Part 2)

    As promised here is my second article on cold feet. For the most part this syndrome really isn't anything to worry about except in extreme cases. You just have to make sure you don't let these silly fears make decisions for you. So quit thinking silly thoughts about whether you should get married or not and get on with your life

    Tip 1

    Okay the first thing I want you to do is write down all the things that are worrying you about getting married. I am willing to bet that most people can't even get through an entire sentence. However for those of you who do get a sentence or several of them I want you to have a good look. Do any of them even have anything to do with your engagement or with you getting married? You might think they have to do with marriage but really wondering if you're going to be a good father or something like that comes with time and you will find that out later. So for now I just want you to concentrate on getting married.

    Tip 2

    Now it is time to write a letter to the person you are going to marry. If you love this person you are going to come up with paragraphs and paragraphs of sweet, lusty things to say. This will only strengthen the fact that you love this person and that you want to carry on with the wedding. Now for the small minority of you who can't write a nice thing about your partner then yes maybe you should be taking a good look at what you are about to do.

    Tip 3

    If wedding bells are in the future then by now there should be an array of pictures with you and your future spouse. So go ahead and look at them and see how they make you feel. For the most part I bet you are going to have a lot of good memories in those pictures. These memories are going to convince you that you want to be in more pictures and you want to make more memories. Now once again in the rare case that you can't stand looking at the pictures then yes maybe you should do some serious thinking about what you are about to do.

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    Thursday, March 15, 2007

    Be Creative

    People all around the world exchange words of love. Wonder how many people must have expressed these words of love? Mostly people say it in a simple way "I love you" with a bouquet of flower or a soft kiss. It is not a new notion but something that has been done since ages. Each one of us falls in love and find out ways to express our love. Yet there are married couples who often remind each other that they love one another in different ways. Most of the people go for the normal way of expressing their feelings.
    But there are great lovers who adopt various methods to shoe their emotions. Conveying your love in such a different style makes your love life interesting and exciting and as often said interest and excitement are essential for a relationship especially that this not very new.

    Instead of simply saying three words "I love you" do something new to express these words. There are various ways of articulating your love. Be creative and come up with innovative ideas. You could do some creative writing and stick it on the bathroom door so that early morning he or she receives your love note and is filled with a smile early morning.

    A wonderful suggestion is to request your mate's favorite song along with a love message on a radio station that could be played while he is driving home tired from his work. Such an act of yours will help vanish his tiredness and make him feel refreshed.

    You could also assort songs that you both like in a CD or a cassette player and give her while she is going for work. It will make her active and in high spirits.

    Being creative adds freshness to a relationship. If such steps are not taken it makes a quite boring. Couples in a relationship do require some kind of change otherwise their relationship gets monotonous. Just expressing your love in a different way is in itself a change. You should be creative and not consider such actions as immature or childish. They are just a way to make your relationship filled with excitement and entertainment. It is a life living with a difference.

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    Wednesday, March 14, 2007

    Relationship Problems? 5 Keys for Creating Genuine Cooperation in All Your Relationships

    Have you ever noticed how many people play: "I'm Right, You're Wrong"? Have you ever wondered why this is so common, especially in close relationships? This problem starts with our culture teaching us to focus our attention on right-wrong thinking.

    The good news is that you can unlearn this power-over approach, and start having more genuine cooperation in your relationships. Sound good? Then please keep reading. Just ahead you'll find five keys to open the doors that lead beyond "Us Against Them" thinking and into the power of "WE."

    Our life journey has included years of "Us vs. Them" training. Growing up, each step along the way we heard: "It's a dog-eat-dog world," "Look out for number one," "Watch your back," and other such expressions. These created strong mental habits which govern our thinking as well as our actions. Even in our most loving and trusting relationships, we often end up playing the good-bad, right-wrong games.

    Got lawyers?

    One of the essential skills we all learned is how to prove we are right and defend against being proven wrong. This has become very deeply ingrained. It won't change overnight, and it won't change just by "wanting" it to.

    The only way to begin shifting this way of thinking is to learn something new: skills and understandings that open the door to new possibilities. Your desire for more co-creative relationships is what prepares you to use the first key.

    Key 1 - INTENTION

    Are you clear about your intentions? Do you know the difference between a strategy and an intention? Knowing this difference is essential. Without this you tend to get stuck wanting other people to agree with your strategies. This can leave people feeling closed and defensive. Even worse, being attached to one particular strategy dramatically limits your opportunities to be satisfied.

    One strategy = One opportunity.

    On the other hand, a strategy-free intention describes only what you value and the qualities you want to experience in a situation. Starting with pure intention like this is necessary when creating outcomes that will satisfy everyone. Identifying a clear, strategy-free intention is also essential for using the next key.

    Key 2 - ALIGNMENT

    Is everyone on the same page? Do you want similar results? Establishing alignment is the second key to successful co-creation. In life, we go about our own lives, trying to achieve our own goals, yet we are all still interconnected. This puts limits on how far we can get in achieving our own results without cooperation.

    The process of creating alignment starts by getting clear about what is important to everyone. It's co-creating a shared vision of success. Beginning by learning alignment paves the way for easy agreements and abundant results, which produces far greater satisfaction for everyone. You need alignment to use the next key.


    Will you take everyone's needs into consideration? Will you keep at it until everyone is satisfied? Understanding the difference between negotiation and compromise plays a big part in being willing and able to stick with the process.

    Compromise is the way of an "Us Against Them" world. It begins by identifying what everyone wants. Then you see who's willing to give up parts of what they want until everyone can live with what's left. This results from having your attention focused on lack, limitation, and fear. It's based in the belief that there isn't enough to go around, so you have to settle for or take whatever you can get.

    Negotiation is the way in an abundant world. It begins by identifying what everyone values and what is missing for them. Then, while you keep your attention focused on everyone's values, strategies will emerge that make it possible for everyone to be satisfied, without any compromise needed. Once everyone is satisfied with the strategies, you're ready to use key number four.

    Key 4 - AGREEMENT

    What's the plan? What needs to happen and who's willing to do what? After everyone's had their say, people often people think they've made agreements. In reality they've only expressed vague understandings of what they want, and how they would like that to happen.

    Co-creation relies on your ability to make clear, doable requests that lead to definite agreements. Powerful agreements are specific about who, what, when, where, and how. They include a positive confirmation of each person's willingness to do their part.

    Explicit agreements increase your effectiveness and everyone's satisfaction. Once you've made your powerful agreements you're all set for key number five.


    Will your agreements continue to work for everyone? Will they create the results you want? Without accountability you can't know if your agreements are actually working. If you wait to find out they aren't working, you may have already built up dangerous levels of frustration, resentment, and resignation.

    You create accountability by setting specific times to review how well your agreements are working, and schedule discussions to see what changes might be needed.

    These accountability meetings will allow you to continue practicing the 5 keys of co-creation.

    1 - Do you still have a clear INTENTION?

    2 - Are you still in ALIGNMENT?

    3 - Do you need more NEGOTIATION?

    4 - Is it time to make new AGREEMENTS?

    5 - How will you ensure ongoing ACCOUNTABILITY?

    Accountability is the final key that opens the doors to the co-creative power of "WE."

    Now you have all five keys that open the doors that lead down the path to co-creating genuine partnerships. We hope you choose to learn more about these five key skills and commit to practicing them in all of your important relationships.

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    Monday, March 12, 2007

    Wedding Attire For The Groom

    Choosing the wedding outfit for the groom is much easier than selecting the outfit for the bride, but you are still faced with many different choices. Should you select a suit or a tuxedo? What style? What color? Should you wear a cummerbund or a vest? What if you really want to wear a suit with "tails", a top hat and a cane, will that work? The ultimate decision of what the groom wears is up to the groom, but to help him make that decision he should consider the following:

    1) The formality of the wedding. A business suit with a white shirt and tie work well for an informal wedding. For a semi-formal daytime wedding wear a formal suit with a white dress shirt, cummerbund (or vest) and a bow tie. For a more formal look consider a black dinner jacket, matching trousers, waistcoat, white tuxedo shirt, bow tie, cufflinks, cummerbund or vest. For a very formal evening wedding wear a black tailcoat, matching striped trousers, white wing-collared shirt, waistcoat, patent leather shoes, studs and cufflinks and gloves.

    2) What style best fits your body type? If you are tall and thin you can wear basically any color or style. A double-breasted jacket may broaden the look of your shoulders. If you are short and thin a three-button jacket and pleated trousers or tuxedo pants would be a good look for you. If you are tall and broad, avoid double-breasted jackets and pleated shirts. A vest would look better on you than a cummerbund. If you are short and broad, go with a single-breasted one or two-button jacket.

    3) What is the "look" of the bride's gown? If the bride is dressed in an understated gown, you probably don't want to go all out with your "look". Both the bride and the groom will want to tie their wedding attire into the look of your wedding location and the type of wedding you are planning.

    The groom will want to make certain that he stands out from the groomsmen. He can do this by wearing a different style and color of boutonniere or a boutonniere made from a different choice of flowers. You could also choose to wear a vest rather than a cummerbund, if the groomsmen are wearing cummerbunds, or you could choose a different colored or styled shirt.

    Make certain that regardless of the style of tuxedo or suit that you choose to wear that it fits you properly. Make certain the shirt isn't too tight in the neck. Make certain that there is plenty of room in the shoulders and that everything will button properly. Also, when trying on your wedding attire sit down to make certain that you are also comfortable in a sitting position.

    You should pick up your wedding attire early enough so if there is a fitting problem that it can be resolved before the wedding. Lastly, make sure someone is in charge of returning your rentals after the wedding, because you will be on your way to your honeymoon.

    Sunday, March 11, 2007

    5 Strategies to Win Back Lost Love

    Love is a fickle emotion that has the potential to burnout as easily as it was ignited. It is most at risk when outside factors, such as money, create stress in a relationship. Once these relationship problems begin to build, they can deteriorate the love between you and your partner. Fortunately, it is much easier to win back lost love than it is to find it. Here are some basic strategies to help bring the love back to your relationship.

    Be Honest

    Distrust is a leading cause of relationship problems. It is vitally important to be honest with your partner on every level, even when the truth hurts. This includes being upfront about things that bother you (like keeping the house clean), but it also includes being open about everyday activities (such as finances). No one likes to feel as if they have to constantly watch over their partner. Making a commitment to honesty will relieve this unnecessary stress from the relationship.

    Be Dependable

    Nothing is more deflating than waiting for someone who never shows. Being dependable is an important step in rebuilding trust with your partner. Always follow through with the promises you make, and make an effort to be on time with your appointments. Showing that you understand the value of their time is important. Never make excuses for your tardiness, simply give an explanation and apologize. No one wants to hear that your missing shoe was more important than your date.


    Love is appreciating each other for who you are. Understand that your partner may have many different interests and goals that you did not know about. The key is to embrace these aspirations and support them. Encouraging growth in your partner's interests will also promote growth in your relationship.


    Communication is a vital ingredient in any relationship, but it becomes more important as the intimacy level increases. Too many people believe good communication means they need to speak more clearly. While this may be the case, listening is more likely to give you the insight you need to reignite your love. The easiest way to better understand your partner's needs is to listen to them. Take notice not only of their words, but of the speaking tone as well. Do they sound excited, perturbed, or even sad? You will be amazed at how much you can learn about your mate when you concentrate on listening to them.

    Take Action

    All relationships have their ups and downs. What happens during the down times is the difference between a relationship on the rocks, and one that can recover. Unfortunately, many people choose to sit on the sidelines when experiencing relationship troubles. They think that they can wait for things to get better on their own. This is a recipe for disaster. Confronting relationship troubles is not an easy task, but it is necessary if you are serious about improving things. Being proactive by asking the tough questions and reflecting on your own actions will ultimately bring the problems to the surface. It is then that you can work on improving your situation.

    In order to win back a lover, your first concern should be to focus on the things you have the power to change. Becoming a better listener and encouraging your partner are concepts that you can implement immediately. Honesty and dependability are also key elements of a successful relationship, but they can only be established over time. Beyond these basics, there are more specific strategies that you can use to immediately improve your situation. offers a time-tested strategy system that has proven to salvage thousands of broken relationships.

    Saturday, March 10, 2007

    Can I Really Know if Someone I Met Through Networking Is Perfect for a Partnership?

    Recently, some of the conversations I have been having around this question have confirmed that partnerships are indeed what YOU make them. In particular, I have come across an approach to creating partnerships that I believe holds the key to success in business or personal relationships.

    The basic premise of this view is that partnerships will most likely fail unless a thorough and legal written agreement is created by the partners and a lawyer. The document must contain specifics and tangibles such as the responsibilities of each partner, business breakdown and exit strategy – all the terms agreed upon by the partners. In addition, it is essential to have partnership insurance so that if a partner dies, it is clear how their shares will be handled as well as what the involvement of their estate or heirs will be.

    While I agree that it is essential that partners are both satisfied and secure, I also know that like attracts like.

    The partnering experience of someone who holds this view is rarely positive. Unfortunately, the usual story of broken partnerships is that the relationship ended because of a disagreement or misunderstanding. In addition to this disappointment and frustration, many hours are spent in court rooms battling for a resolution. And unexpected legal fees have usually been incurred. These fees can, in some situations, change the course of a person's career or financial future.

    So it is easy to see how failed relationships can seed fear in hearts. This fear usually leads to an overwhelming emphasis on security concerns. And before long, all partnerships are assumed to be something to be protected from rather than embraced and celebrated. In other words, safety becomes the priority rather than relationship.

    Most of us would rather live lives that are free of fear and this kind of strife. So how can we avoid creating fear-dominated partnerships? Is it even possible?

    I believe it is. And the reason is that I believe we have a CHOICE as to how we respond to the things that happen in our lives. Although often very difficult, it is possible to choose to act out of love, rather than out of fear.

    Knowing that this is possible, here are some suggestions to get you started:

    • Focus on what you want rather than on what can go wrong. If you do this, you are more likely reach what you desire because you will be clearly aware of your goals. (It is not wise to enter into any partnership until you are personally clear on what kinds of people characteristics, skill level, and attitude you are looking for. This is the best way to ensure that you keep your integrity and character, and that you do not compromise your values.) To do this, write it out your plan of action.

    • BE the partner you want to have. Make a decision to grow into the person that you want to attract as a partner. If you have the integrity and character you are looking for in others, you will attract them much more readily. What a great way to honor your partnerships!

    • View the partnerships rules, agreements and strategies as tools; and not substitutes for relationship. If you approach them as tools, they will not become more important than the people that you are working with. Your ability to relate to others is the most important skill in successful partnerships.

    • Accept the responsibility of creating and nurturing a successful partnership rather than placing it on the written agreement. It is YOUR responsibility. The agreement is only as empowered, mature and strong as the people who put it together.

    Once you are clear about what you want, and are living it in your own life, then begin to look for your partner. If you think you have found someone who might be a fit, sit down with them over coffee and talk over your wants and desires. If the person seems to be a suitable candidate, confirm it by requesting that they write out their own desires/goals. Once you have confirmed that someone is a partnership fit, determine if a lawyer is necessary to firm the agreement, (this step usually depends on the characteristics in a partner you are looking for. If you want someone who believes that a signed contract is they're word of honor, a lawyer may not necessary. Use your discretion here.)

    The keys to the long lasting and successful partnerships have been:

    • Partners who are each personally clear about what they want, and who is to take responsibility for attaining it.

    • Partners who practice what they value.

    • Partners who remember that relationships are dynamic, that they change over time and are willing to renegotiate if there are changes.

    • Partners who communicate with honesty and clarity.

    • Partners who, in the event of a dispute, will refer to their partnership agreement and not go from memory. (BEING the partner you want BEFORE entering the partnerships does NOT guarantee that there will not be any disagreements. However, if the relationship is based on trust and authenticity, there is a much greater probability that the partners will be able to work things through quickly and effectively).

    So yes, I believe that you can recognize a suitable partner just by becoming aware of what you are looking for. By BEING a person of character and integrity, I believe the community you help to create will be undeniably profound and positively impacting.

    Thursday, March 08, 2007

    Guys - Can't Live With Us-

    The purpose of this article is to try and give you ladies out there a brief insight into the male brain. Men and women are just wired differently and no, I didn't need to read "Men are from Pluto, women are from Saturn" - I think that's the title although I don't think Pluto is a technically a planet anymore. So us guys are from a floating rock from outer space. That is neither here nor there.

    The point is that we come at things from different vantage points and points of views. Women are dreamers, men are realists, in general. I know plenty of practical women and plenty of day dreaming men so I'm going to paint both sexes in this article with a broad brush. This is why we don't bring home flowers as much as you'd like or write you poetry on Valentine's day (although it doesn't explain our aversion to doing the dishes.) We think in terms of jobs and tasks we need to take care of and what is the quickest way to get these things done. A nice flower delivery on Valentine's Day with a generic card takes us about 5 minutes online and we have fulfilled our obligation in this area.

    Very often, this works to our detriment as many of the things we need to take care of require some thought and feeling and we gloss right over this. I am your typical man in this area but I do have super human powers that allow me to at least acknowledge my short comings in this area (most men are not blessed with this otherworldly power.) Very often, I'll say something or type something in an e-mail that may come off as callous when viewed later. At the time, I'm just trying to take care of a problem but when viewed later with some perspective, I sounded like a, for lack of a more descriptive term, horses behind.

    Another way this comes into play is in our recreation. There is nothing I like to do more than park myself in front of the TV and watch a Yankee game for four hours. My brain shuts off and all I think about is that little white ball bouncing around the TV. I tend to find the ladies in my life like to talk more when its their downtime. They like to go out for cocktails and discuss things like their families, their problems, their lives even! While us men are not averse to the occasion cocktail (beer), there is no deep conversation going on in any sense of the word. I have several good friends whose last names I am not aware of.

    My wife commented the other day on what a nice gift her best friend (and maid of honor at our wedding, apparently) Virginia got from her husband for Valentines Day. I looked up from the game I was watching and said – who's Virginia?

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