Thursday, May 31, 2007

Does Love at First Sight Really Exist?

Before exploring outer space, people used to think that the earth was flat and that you could fall off the edge if you ever went that far. The same goes for everything else that we don't understand. People usually try to associate all that is unknown to them with things that they are familiar with and love is no exception to that rule.

Although learning about the psychology of falling in love can help you get a better understanding of why you fall in love and why you happen to love one person and not another for no obvious reason; the majority of people prefers not to read about it and just associate love with anything else that they are familiar with.

Love at first sight exists, simply because many of us have been through it before. This article is going to explain to you why you might fall in love with someone else at first sight.

Why Do We Fall in Love?

I have talked about this topic extensively in this article so I am just going to give a brief explanation about it here. In most cases, we fall in love either to compensate for something we lack, when we find someone similar to us or to a person who is dear to us, like one of our parents for example, or to put it more directly, when someone meets our unconscious criteria. This is simply a list of traits that should be found in a person if we are to fall in love with him/her.

Love at First Sight

If you understand the previous explanation, then you may have already guessed why we sometimes fall in love with someone at first sight: simply because we found a person who met many of our unconscious criteria.

For example if a guy had dark skin and deeply loved his mother, then it's likely that his unconscious criteria include that the girl should have white skin and that it would be great if she had some feature that reminded him of his mother. Of course it's not that simple; the criteria can be very complex and may be formed of very many items, but I am just giving you this small example for clarification purposes.

Now what if this guy meets that girl we just described? What if he found her attractive and that in addition to all of the above characteristics, she has a great personality and is cheerful too? What'll most probably happen is that he will develop an instant crush on her, or as we say, love her at first sight.

Love or Best Friends?

Now the question that may have popped into your mind is "but why do I sometimes find someone who is absolutely fantastic, has many good traits and not love him at first sight?". The answer is simple: either because he didn't match your criteria at all or because you are looking for traits that can't be noticed at first glance. That's why people who care much about appearances are more likely to experience love at first sight; because most of their criteria lie on the superficial appearance of their partner and that will be the first thing they notice when they meet him/her.

The earth is not flat and love is not that mysterious. Read a lot and seek answers so that you can remove these mysteries from you life.


Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Wedding Favors – Glass Love Coasters

At a wedding, glass LOVE coasters are a good way to thank guests for their attendance. Glass LOVE coasters are a wonderfully romantic, yet practical wedding favor.

The 3.5" x 3.5" or 4" x 4" coasters feature a bold design spelling out LOVE, a letter in each quadrant of the coaster. Two of the four quadrants are white, and two are clear. A free-form heart in the center ties the letters together. The design is frosted on the underside of each coaster. With proper care, it will last through years of use, reminding friends and family of your special occasion.

At your wedding, glass LOVE coasters can be separated out of the boxes, and presented individually to guests. This works well if your wedding favor budget is limited. Guests often receive only one coaster as a wedding favor, and will not be offended. Simply discard the boxes and place a LOVE coaster at each table setting with a note. Or scatter LOVE coasters around the room for convenience.

With a larger budget for your wedding, glass LOVE coasters can be presented as a set of four. They are packaged in sets of 4, nestled in a clear box, and tied with white ribbon. Even as a full set, glass LOVE coasters make an affordable wedding favor. We found them online for just $1.75 USD per box of four.

Glass LOVE coasters are not just wedding favors, of course. They are good anywhere love is the theme: bridal showers; anniversary parties, Valentine's Day parties, and more.

For a wedding, glass LOVE coasters fit easily with any color scheme, any theme, and any season. They are elegant enough to be formal wedding favors, yet casual enough to be informal wedding favors. They are available in clear or mirrored glass finish.

Unique Glass LOVE Coasters

Glass LOVE coaster wedding favors are so popular that no one would call them unique. Variations, however, may be unique where you live. Here are examples of glass LOVE coasters we found online.

1. AMOR glass coasters: In Roman mythology, Amor was the god of love. You might say he was Cupid. These wedding favor coasters use the four letters of his name in the quadrants of the square glass coasters. The quadrants alternate between clear and frosted glass. These wedding favors come four in a box.

2. Asian LOVE glass coasters: These unique wedding favors announce your love in several languages. Framed by clear lines around the frosted squares, an Asian calligraphic character for LOVE is "subtitled" in English with the word "Love" in script. This wedding favor comes two to a box.

3. Heart glass coasters: These coasters are clear, heart-shaped pieces of glass, each etched in beautiful fonts with words of love: joy, bliss, hope, faith, honor, forever – and "love" itself. Each wedding favor contains a set of 2 coasters. If guests come as a couple, each receiving a wedding favor, they go home with a set of four. These are great for occasions other than weddings.

4. Cherry blossom love coasters: These glass LOVE coasters feature beautiful pink cherry blossoms on frosted glass, with the word "LOVE" inscribed beneath. The use of a heart for the letter "O" makes these wedding favors a mix of sassy style with classic elegance. Tempered glass coasters are packaged four to a box. A couple receiving a wedding favor each will go home with 8 glass coasters – a practical reminder of your love.

Photo Glass LOVE Coasters

A more personal touch for a wedding, glass love coasters sometimes feature a photo of love.

Heart design glass photo coasters begin like other LOVE coasters. The tempered glass square is divided into 4 quadrants. On these wedding favors, however, the quadrants alternate between black and ivory. Each quadrant bears a free-form heart in the opposite color. The center of the coaster holds a card or photo. Present these wedding favors with place cards or notes in the center, and send photos later of the bride and groom. You might also insert a casual pre-wedding photo, or simply a card with the couple's names and wedding date. These wedding favors are packed two to a box.

"Capture My heart" photo coasters are romantic, heart-shaped glass love coasters. They feature a frosted glass rim with a photo frame center. Insert photos or cards and create an instant memento of your wedding. These wedding favors come in boxes of two hearts.

Finally, plain glass photo coasters come in a variety of sizes and styles. Insert a photo or message of your love, and they become glass love coasters. They make beautiful wedding favors.

Helpful Tip

At any wedding, glass love coasters are certain to be a fitting wedding favor. Before you present them, however, be careful to check for breakage. You don't want guests receiving broken wedding favors.

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Saturday, May 26, 2007

Free Hypnotic Tips To Win Your Love

Love is the most beautiful expression that a living creature can ever experience or posses. We human beings have to suffer too many tragedies, sorrows plus fear, fear of losing our love, so we better chose to reveal our love.

But with hypnosis and hypnotic visualization, you can make this beautiful expression as the best and eternal piece of your emotions. We all dream about a person who can love us, desires about someone's genuine touch, someone's affection, a tender hug and a warm kiss. Its is very certain that every one desires for the companionship of a true loving but one thing is equally uncertain and that is whether we get the love of the person whom we love. How will you be certain of winning your love?

The power of hypnotic visualization is simply unbeatable. There is a famous saying to prove the eminent power of imagination 'what we became and what we are is because we have first imagined it.' So know you know the power of hypnotic visualization. Visualizing a thing motivates you to achieve that thing.

Hypnotic visualization:

So, forget everything, let your heart feel the warmth of someone's caressing your parts, sight of a pure love, a beautiful hug and a sensuous kiss. Feel your heart beat rising not with fear with the feeling of joy and excitement as your love is with you. Imagine how you would feel being with your loved one. Visualize your lover in your arms; his/ her body is touching you. Can you feel the warmth of your lover's body?

Let no thoughts disturb you. Simply flow with the love because that love is the true love. Don't speak the word let the heart beats speak, let your eyes communicate and let your feelings reveal your need for love.

This is beauty of hypnotic visualization. When you are in love with someone and you want that someone to love, all you have to do is to simply imagine (hypnotic visualization). Remember when you visualize something with your heart, your mind receives some vibrations and it then strives to achieve that thing. Therefore, "Simply Imagine."

Something can badly affect your love life:

Hypnosis reveals you something that can spoil your love life. As per hypnotic visualization the way you love depends on what type of person you are. Remember, love has everything to do with your heart and mind. If you can keep your heart healthy and in good relation with you, then you can have all the love you want. If you are depressed or sad then you can never be a good and satisfying lover. If you are happy and enthusiastic towards life then you can make good love relationship.

Picture your heart. You may use hypnotic visualization power as imagining yourself like I am actual biological heart, or it may even be a symbolic valentine heart. Feel good to be a good lover.

Go ahead and ask your heart about how it is feeling today. Is it feeling sad? Lonely? Disappointed? Understand the way it is feeling. Hear what it has to say to you. Then tell your heart that you are trying to make it feel better. Use hypnotic visualization.

What is the condition of your heart? Is it sad? Or is it youthful. Does it look healthy? Or is it torn or wounded? Is it wounded? Now repair your heart. You have all the tools required. If it is torn at places, stitch them. If it is wounded, then treat its wound.

When your heart looks healthy, fill it to the brim with light. Imagine the shining light flow into your heart and reach it's every nook and corner. Your heart is not only healthy now it even feels alive. Listen to your heartbeats? As we have already discussed about the hypnotic visualization.

Make it feel good. Thank your heart for keeping you alive. Applaud its tireless performance. The more you thank your heart, the healthier it gets.

Are you ready to win your love? Hypnotic visualization prepares you to win your love:

Now that your heart is healthy and happy, you are now ready to win love. Picture the person you love or whom you desire the most (hypnotic visualization). See the person clearly? How does she/he look? What color is the hair? What kind of clothes he/she is wearing? How tall is the person? Is there any gesture that is distinctively his/hers?

Let the person appear in front of you. How far is the person? Bring him/her closer to at the most five feet away from you. Now, picture your healthy heart connected to his/her heart. You may use any material you like for connection. A rope, chain, satin ribbon – it can be just anything. It can be even imaginary. The goal is to connect love to love, so a sense of energy flows between you both. In hypnotic visualization make sure that you know what your aim is. Hypnotic visualization works best when you know what you want.

Once you have connected love, visualize yourself doing something loving to the person you love. Do anything that people who love each other does. Walk hand in hand, go for a dance, sit across for some ice cream, love each other, hug each other – you may even kiss each other.

The more you use hypnotic visualization for the person you love in the way described above, the stronger the love flows between you both. Until one day, you really embrace and kiss the person to say how much you love her/him. Learn to express your love and you can best do that by touching or kissing.

And if ever you feel that love is beginning to fade, go through the hypnotic visualization again.

Never let your love die …. Make it eternal ….. with hypnotic visualization

Click Here for more information to make your love successful...

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Friday, May 25, 2007

The Greatest Language of Love

Love, is where two hearts meet and knit together through happiness and sadness. Love can make many hearts skip with excitement yet love can also cause many broken hearts. It takes little effort for one to become a romantic partner. The many creative and interesting ways to add romance in relationship can be readily found in books, magazines, and the internet. It takes great effort for those in pursuit of a deeper love relationship that could survive many unprepared and unexpected storms. Many will readily say "yes" when asked whether they are romantic lovers. However, few will admit that they are consummate lovers that does not seek the returns of love but are willing to devote their lives in giving true happiness to the person they love.

Whether you are in love, falling out of love or have never been in love, it is never too early or too late to learn the greatest language of love. Learning to love is a growing process. It always starts off with the special feelings that could not get your mind off from thinking about the special person. If such feelings are experienced by the two persons who are about to fall in love, it leads to an eclectic stage where both eyes and hearts are strongly magnetized towards each other. Great deal of time is now spent together as the sparks of love turn into burning flames; where romance is at its peak. However, this journey of love which initially took off to Caribbean beach; surrounded by sunset and paradise, soon landed on the pathway of reality. The flames of love have gradually smothered as the demands and expectations of life set in.

For some, the flames have smothered into shimmering sparks similar to that found in the fire flies. These sparks are soon carried by the fire flies to ignite another flame with someone else. This is when love causes heartaches and trust, betrayed. Yet for many, the flames have smothered into dust, leaving the relationship dry and dull. This is when the very core of love is tested. The survivability of the relationship is no longer depended on whether roses are given or romantic candle light dinner is prepared. It is about whether the relationship can survive the storm with determination and commitment to help each face the storm; as well as unconditional and sacrificial love to give hope and faith in surviving the storm together.

In facing such relentless storm that could break or build the relationship, what is the greatest language of love? Most conservatists will opt for the most classic language that is widely spoken, from youthful passions to mature companionships, a language that has touched and warmed many hearts: "I Love You"! As simple and classic as it may sound, some took great bravery to confess it; some said it casually to create momentary romance that soon fades away; while many have said it again and again, to the point of death that life has ended well because of the power of love.

This indeed is the greatest language of love. Not spoken with selfish and manipulative intentions but with the deepest desire to cherish the moments spent with your loved one, to be a pillar of strength though various seasons of life, and to hold on tightly to each other even at the point of diminishing hope, because after the storm is gone, sunrise and sunset will soon appear. The storm is here but a moment. The sunset and sunrise last a life time for as long as both hearts keep guarding the flames and never put it off……"till death do us part".

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Pusanga - The Perfume Of Love

The quest for love unites us all. What if you could find it – and a simple perfume could help? That would be magic, wouldn't it? Read on!

In the spiritual traditions of the Amazon in Peru, this magical perfume is called pusanga. It is a made from flowers and plants which have the power to attract to the people who wear it the things they really want. For that reason, pusanga has developed an impressive reputation as "the love medicine of the Amazon"' because love, of course, is the thing most people do want!


Beautiful smells derived from flowers and herbs have always been used for healing and attracting love. Even the word 'perfume' comes from per fumer (Latin, 'through smoke'), and is a reference to its ritual use in ceremonies for the gods who offer love's blessings.

The ancient Greeks, for example, believed that sweet aromas were how the deities made their presence known. The oracle priestesses of Delphi would sit in the smoke of bay leaf incense to allow these gods to speak through them during divinations to help people in their search for love.
In India, too, seers called dainyals would surround themselves with smoke – this time of cedarwood - which would send them into trance and give them prophetic visions.
Fragrance has also long been associated with the arts of love. In Japan, Geisha girls priced their services according to the number of incense sticks consumed during love-making, while in Indian tantric rituals, men were anointed with sandalwood, and women with jasmine, patchouli, amber, and musk. Saffron was crushed and smeared beneath their feet.

The reason for these rituals is that smell is the most powerful of our senses and is able to stimulate desire, longing, and lust, stir our memories, and carry associations of love and happiness. Scientists have found that even a year after we meet a new person, their aroma stays in our minds, whereas visual memory drops to 50% after just three months, so we may not even remember their faces. The sense of smell is handled by the limbic system, which controls our emotions, so perfumes evoke feelings as well as memories, and we experience not just an odour but a mood.

This is the secret of pusanga. By mixing plants and flowers to create particular aromas which affect the moods of those who smell them, the shamans of the Amazon say that pusanga can cause anyone to fall hopelessly in love with the wearer. One of these shamans, Javier Aravelo, puts it this way: "When you pour pusanga onto your skin it penetrates your spirit and gives you the power to draw in love".

How you find the right plants to do this is another secret, known as the Doctrine of Signatures. This is the idea that the Creator has left a mark or "signature" on every plant in the world to show what it is used for. The discoverer of this phenomenon was Paracelsus, a 6th century alchemist who noticed how the appearance of plants so often reflects their qualities – that the seeds of skullcap, for example, resemble small skulls and, it turns out, are effective at curing headache, or that willow, which grows in damp places, heals rheumatic conditions, which are caused by damp and the build-up of fluid on the joints.

In fact, as Thomas Bartram, a modern herbalist, remarks in his Encyclopedia of Herbal Medicine, "Examples are numerous. It is a curiosity that many liver remedies have yellow flowers, those for the nerves (blue), for the spleen (orange), for the bones (white). Serpentaria (Rauwolfia) resembles a snake and is an old traditional remedy for snake-bite. Herbalism confirms the Doctrine of Signatures".


Following this Doctrine, the basis for pusanga in the Amazon is agua de colpa. This is water collected from clay pools deep in the rainforest, where there are no people, only thousands of brightly-coloured animals who gather to drink from the water. Some of these animals are natural enemies, but at the clay pools they stand peacefully together to drink from water which is rich in mineral content and needed for their well-being. This water, in other words, has the power to attract some of the most beautiful creatures on the planet to a place where they exist harmoniously together.

Added to this magical water are special herbs, plants, barks, roots or leaves, which also have the quality of attraction due to their colours, names, or where and how they grow. In the rainforest, for example, there are vines called sogas, which are recognised as pusanga plants because they wrap themselves around trees and draw close to them so they grow together.

Special scented liquids, such as agua florida (which means "water for flourishing"), are also added to the mixture, which is then blessed by the shaman to empower it. This is done by blowing or singing into the pusanga, sometimes with the breath, sometimes with sacred tobacco smoke. The traditional blessing whispered to the pusanga is "salud, dinero y amor" ("health, money and love").

Once it is made, pusanga is used like a perfume, with a few drops rubbed on the pulse points of the wrists and neck, or a capful or two can be added to bath water.


If you want more love in your life (and who doesn't!) and would like to make pusanga of your own, just follow these instructions and romance will come your way!

The Doctrine of Signatures is your guide to collecting the plants you need. Pusanga plants for love all have certain characteristics. Their names are often significant, such as passionflower or honeysuckle ("honey" for sweetness and "suckle" for nurturing). Their colours are bright and attractive. The way they grow may also be important (ivy, for example, winds itself around other plants so the two intertwine and are drawn closer together). Their archetypal qualities may also call you (rose, for example, is nowadays practically synonymous with love). Where the plants grow can also have meaning (two plants standing together in sunlight within an otherwise dark forest signify a bright future, for example) – and so on. Look for plants that mean something to you and the desires you have.

When you locate each plant spend a little time with it, explaining your need and asking it to offer itself to you before you pick it (you don't need to take the whole plant; a single leaf, a flower, or a piece of bark will do as this contains the energy of the whole. Try to avoid taking roots if you can). Then, when you take a piece, offer your thanks and perhaps a gift of your own, such as corn or tobacco, as they do in the Amazon. All of this is important in helping you connect with nature and develop the right attitude of respect.

When you have the plants you want, take them home and put them in a clear bottle. If you intend to use the pusanga over a few days, you can fill the bottle with water taken from 'power places', such as Holy water from a church or a place of spiritual power like the Chalice Well at Glastonbury, or you can use spring or mineral water. If you want to keep the pusanga a while, though, it is better to use alcohol instead of water as this will preserve the plants.

You can also add aromatherapy oils to your blend, which, in traditional magic, also have helpful qualities. To attract a new lover, for example, add a few drops of rose, jasmine, and bergamot. For a 'deepening love' add rose, vanilla, and a sprinkling of gold glitter. For passion during love-making once you have found your mate, add ginger, patchouli, and sandalwood.

Finally, add your prayers to the mixture, too, as the shamans do, by blowing three times into the pusanga bottle while you tell the perfume what you want it to do for you. Then wear it as a scent and expect more love in your life!

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

Romantic Gift Ideas - Seven Important Tips

Romantic gift ideas needed for that dream date? Special occasion gift? Anniversary looming?
Love token? Birthday? Sorry? Lacking confidence or inspiration? How to ensure your love gift idea will loved by your loved one.

Chocolate: Chocolates are great for gifts in the initial stages of dating, as they are not seen to be too expensive or heavy on emotional statements. Chocolate has long been named as an aphrodisiac, and is considered an essential ingredient in the art of seduction. Unless the girl you are dating appears to have an issue with eating, chocolates will always be welcome. Comfort food for all occasions. Fine chocolates are a deliciously seductive way to enjoy an after dinner coffee. Chocolate is also appropriate for saying "hope you are feeling better", "sorry" and "think of me while you eat these".

Flowers: Flowers will probably last longer than chocolates, and the recipient is reminded of you every time they look at them. Through the history of time, flowers have been linked to romance. Do you think flowers are too girly for your tomboy date? How about buying her a cottage herb in a pot for her windowsill that she can use in her cooking. Not sure about buying flowers for a man? Then what about a plant. If you are uncertain about color combinations try matching to the first outfit she was wearing when you met her. Buy the flowers in her favourite colour. Color coding to her couch or her drapes are also fantastic ideas. Be sure to explain to her that this is what you have done to win extra brownie points for observation skills and to show her you are eager to please.

Many blooms come attached with traditional meanings. These flowers all have positive messages:
Blue Periwinkle: Initial stages of friendship.

Purple Lilac: First stages of love.

Peach Blossom: I am yours. Captive.

Orchid: You are beautiful.

Gardenia: Secret love.

Azalea: True to the end.

Spanish Jasmine: Sensual. I think you are very sexy.

Cactus: Enduring love.

Purple Violet: You occupy my thoughts.

Red Rose: Passionate love. I love you.

Hibiscus: Delicate beauty.

Jonquil: Desire.

Honeysuckle: Bonds of love.

Dwarf Sunflower: Adoration.

Red Tulip: Love declaration.

Apple Blossom: I prefer you.

Who knew there were so many beautiful sublime messages in that ubiquitous bunch of flowers?

However, you might want to think twice about sending some of these floral beauties:

Yellow Carnation: You disappoint me.

Striped Carnation: Refusal.

Red Carnation: Heartbreak or heartache.

Sweet Pea: Departure.

Lotus Flower: Estranged love.

Yellow Chrysanthemum: Slighted.

Now I see why the old carnations from the corner store have never done it for me!

Special days of the year and calendar months all have their own flowers dedicated to them.
If you want to create a really meaningful statement for your special person how about visiting your local florist and seeking their professional input.

Posters and Framed Artwork: The unique romantic gift that shows some thought and preparation. Is there something that he or she is mad keen on? Black and white photography? Vintage fashion? Sporting memorabilia? Cars? Politics? Entertainment? Magazine covers?
There are some amazing art sites out there who sell canvas art, unframed posters, framed memorabilia and of course, framed art work and photography.

Colognes and Perfumes: The definition of perfume is "a pleasing, agreeable scent or odour".
Most of us would also agree that it is also a pleasing and agreeable gift to receive. Perfumes and colognes are easy romantic gift ideas, as they can be perceived as being anything from a total luxury gift to something very personal and intimate. Perfumes are very strong memory triggers and can become very sentimental in the right situation. Perfumes and colognes are now being made to stimulate the sexual arousal receptors in our brains. Unsure what to buy him or her? Have a scout in their bathroom for clues as to their fave. Another great way to get it right is to ask them what they are wearing when you are nuzzling them. In this scenario you will at least know that you like that particular scent on them.

Most Popular for Him:

1:Versace Blue Jeans – clean and fresh.

2: Contradiction by Calvin Klein – an oriental woody odour.

3: Hugo Dark Blue – great for the office environment.

4: Good Life by Davidoff – more current than Cool Water. Sharp and spicy.

5: Chrome by Azzaro – sharp, fruity and masculine.

6: Le Male by Jean Paul Gaultier – original and provocative.

7: Happy for Men by Clinique – subtle and refreshing.

8: D and G by Dolce and Gabbana – very fresh.

Top 10 Perfumes for Her:

1: Issey Miyake Ladies – exceptionally feminine and alluring.

2: Glow by Jlo- sexy and sparkling clean.

3: Spark Liz Claiborne – spellbindingly erotic.

4: Shalimar by Guerlain- a legendary and classic fragrance.

5: Romance by Ralph Lauren – a seductive scent. Appropriately named.

6: Boucheron Ladies – hinting of the refined orient.

7: Beautiful by Estee Lauder – a lingering romance.

8: Black Cashmere by Donna Karan – warm and alluring.

9: Vera Wang – a modern and elegant scent.

10: Blonde Perfume by Versace – perfect for a romantic escape. Very feminine.

Lingerie: Looking for a pick-me-up? Anniversary or super romantic event? A little tired of the usual boudoir attire of flannel or old boxers? Special lingerie is an ideal romantic gift idea. Choices are to purchase something for yourself to model for their pleasure, or something for them that you would like to see them in. When buying for another, it is best to avoid any unpleasantries by ensuring you get the correct size. You will insult her if you buy her a size 2 when she is actually a 10. A sure fire fun stopper. There are many online sites out there offering various items such as bridal, costumes and risqué, both for girls and guys. Most offer total discretion. Just order from your lounge room. Too easy. No chance of embarrassment.

Jewelry: Giving the gift of jewelry can be seen as a big statement. Not all jewelry is a diamond ring. Earrings and pendants, for him and her, do not have the emotional commitment behind them in an early relationship as the "ring". Bling can be as big or small as you want it to be.
Watches are another great idea at any stage of a relationship. Nowadays, we all have sports watches, nightclub watches, the work watch, formal event watches and funky accessory watches. Watches fall into all sorts of price ranges and best of all, whenever they look for the time they will be reminded of you. You are allowed to think of the scene from the film "9 ½ Weeks" here if you want to go that far!

Put some thought into your gift of love and receive the gift of love in return.

Happy Shopping.

Coco Swan.

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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

What is Love

Have you ever been in love? Some people are not quite sure. Other people say that they know they are in love now, so what they thought was love in the past must not have been. Knowing if you are in love is not always easy because love is such a complex emotion.

For centuries, artist, poets, philosophers, writers, and musicians have tried to define love through their work. Romantic notions of love express it as a quality of devotion that one feels towards another person. Yet the meaning of love for each person is highly complex. Here are some examples of how it has been expressed

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but looking in the same direction together." – Antoine de Saint–Exupery

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is love." – Sophocles

"Love sees with the heart and not the mind; therefore; winged cupid is painted blind." – William Shakespeare

"My love there's only you in my life… You're every breath that I take; you're every step I make." – Lionel Richie,

"My love is like a red rose, that's newly sprung in June, My love is like the melodies, that's sweetly play's in tune." —Robert Burns

"You say that you love me like a river, a river you say will never run dry…Don't use that magical, mysterious, intoxicating, joy, fantastic, fascinating word called love unless you love me to the nines…the kind of love that takes over your body, mind and soul." —Prince

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." —Woody Allen

"Love cannot be explain, it can only be understand" – Syed Qutubuddin

Another reason why it's so difficult to define love is that many people confuse it with the feelings of lust. Love makes you feel energized, content, and emotionally stable. Lust makes you feel anxious, jealous, and possessive. Lust, or infatuation, is based on sexual attraction. At first when you meet someone you are attracted to, you may feel a strong connection and label it as love or even, maybe, as love at first sight. But what you are most likely feeling is attraction, of lust.

If you only wants to have sex with someone you love, then how are you going to be sure that you love someone? Most often, time is the factor that answers this question. If you let several months pass and you still feel love for the person then you might be more certain that your feelings are real. As your involvement with the person grows, you may feel a deeper affection and a need to bond ever more with the person. In this case, love may grow into attachment.

With each person, the feelings of "falling in love" will be new type of sensation sometimes you fall in love with a friend you have known for years. Sometimes you fall in love with stranger you see across a crowded room. No two loves are alike

According to psychologist Richards Sternberg's theory of love, true love is based on a balance of three elements: commitment, intimacy, and passion. He explained that if any of those elements is missing you could still have love, yet different kind of love. The following illustration explains.

Because there are so many different types of love, and because everyone defines love so differently, it will be helpful to your relationship if you explain to your partner the type of love you feel. I'm hopeful that you will both understand each other maybe ever feel similar types of love for each other!



Commitment = EMPTY LOVE

Passion + Intimacy = ROMANCE

Passion + Commitment = LUSTFUL RELATIONSHIP

Commitment + intimacy = COMPANIONSHIP

Commitment + intimacy + Passion = TRUE LOVE

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Tuesday, May 01, 2007

An Emotional Affair Is as Devasting As a Physical Affair

The reason an emotional affair can be more threatening to a marriage is that the spouse is replaced by the lover who then becomes the primary source of companionship and emotional well being.

Statistics say that one in five men have affairs, and one in six women have affairs and this number among women is climbing, these numbers are even higher if you include emotional affairs. Peggy Vaughan, the author of The Monogamy Myth estimates the chances of a woman having either an emotional affair or physical affair at some time in her marriage is estimated at 50%.

Often men view their spouses as being critical and feel they are unable to please them no matter how hard they try. This stimulates a man to cling to the emotional reinforcement of someone who thinks they are the most wonderful person in the world and can do no wrong, despite being married.

Some of the most common social and marital circumstances can pave the way and lead to emotional affairs with even the happiest couples.

Most emotional affairs start in the workplace where there is an increased social contact with the opposite sex and as married couples spend less and less time with their partners, temptation becomes considerably easier. When a man or women spend more time with a co-worker, teammate, or friend under these conditions it has a tendency to develop in to much, much more.

When there are commonalities with someone of the opposite sex whether it be in the workplace or not powerful bonds can be created. These bonds can sometimes become more compelling than the bond with their partner, especially if a marriage is already in trouble.

Can men and women be just friend and not have an emotional (or physical) affair? Most people, as well as some experts say---no! In the movie 'When Harry Met Sally', Harry's response was..."No man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her." Some experts will agree that it is NOT o kay for your spouses' best friend be someone of the opposite sex.

If your spouse is secretive or defensive about a relationship under these conditions and you do suspect an emotional affair, you should confront your spouse openly and honestly. You should be able to talk about the limitations concerning these types of relationships.

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