Projekt Love Blog

Both parties in any relationship, especially when the couples are older, bring a long sexual history, different instincts and preconceptions to the overall sexual experience. One partner may have masturbated almost daily since he first discovered his body and had fantasies of having intercourse with many different people. He might also have heard various stories about sex from friends, movies, parents, teachers, books etc., while the other partner may have been more sheltered and ignorant, or perhaps just stroked herself curiously without any sexual fantasies. Taken together, it means the likelihood of a big difference in self-knowledge and sexual confidence between any one couple.

According to one male writer, "Most inexperienced males imagine that really good sex consists of getting the woman partly undressed and then thrusting an enormous penis in and out of her vagina until they both explode simultaneously with a fantastic orgasm." But nothing could be further from the truth. The fantasy ends there because of the many hurdles awaiting us before that final conclusion. Being preoccupied with penis size, many men believe that 'the bigger the better'. But that is a definite myth.

Really great sex is not about penetration or penis size. It is more about what a man actually does with that penis when both partners are fully aroused. Our brain and our hands are far more erotic sexual tools than a penis on its own could ever hope to be! In fact, an inexperienced young woman is unlikely to be turned on by a penis at all and even less by its size! Until she understands and appreciates its usefulness, she may be scared of touching it and might even be repulsed by it, even though the man is likely to think that his penis is the greatest thing in the world, one which no woman can possibly do without!

Romance and the Trimmings


A woman is likely to be more stimulated by the emotion of the moment, the romance, the attention, the kisses, the caresses, the feeling of being wanted and being greatly appealing – difficult elements to label or put into words. Most women interviewed insist that warm, loving, emotional connections between themselves and their partners are essential to, and inseparable from, the experience of sexual ecstasy. Thus a well-romanced woman is a well-lubricated one and an explosion waiting to happen! This difference in sexual approach is the first misunderstanding between the two genders.

For this main reason, the first sexual encounters are usually fraught with danger. To begin with, most women view romance as the biggest turn-on to enjoying intercourse. As a prelude to any sex, a woman may fantasise about romantic settings in which she might be holding hands, talking, laughing, dancing, etc. Later on, the nice-looking, sweet-talking confident lover, with the great sense of humour (not the great penis!) admires her appeal and tells her about his feelings, his need for love, perhaps their future together, etc. She imagines being held tightly and kissed over and over, with perhaps some gentle caressing of various parts of her body. Eventually he undresses her and they have sex, but that isn't the end of her story. After love-making, she imagines being held, comforted and told that sex has brought them even closer. She expects reassurance that she was an exciting sex partner and that he will now want to do many other routine things with her, not just desire her body!

The man in the same situation is likely to perceive it most differently, especially if he just wants to have 'fun' and fancies a 'quick shag'. The fewer preliminaries, the better. Wining, dining and dancing are often regarded as necessary preludes that the man wants to conclude, sooner rather than later, in order to cut to the chase and get on with the action. Sex for women might be an integral part of an emotional connection, and take a long time to master, but many men do not necessarily need to put the two elements together for their satisfaction!